We need to talk.
Does your heart sink, mind shutter, or body tense up when you hear this statement? Do you wonder why this person wants to talk? Do you assume how the dialogue will play out? Do you feel anxious about what they will say and what your response will be?
I’ve learned to be very grateful for discourse. No matter the outcome, it’s an opportunity to understand and learn something. Regardless of the other person’s intentions, you can always control your approach and response.
When someone request dialogue, you’re first response should be to you. Am I open to this conversation?
YES.
Prior to that discussion, ask yourself:
What would I like the outcome of this convo to be?
From my POV, what is the root cause of the issue?
What are my thoughts concerning the matter?
What do my thoughts have me feeling?
Are my thoughts/feelings based on assumptions or facts?
How can I best articulate my feelings and express myself in a respectable manner?
What will I do to deescalate the situation if I feel tension rising?
What questions can I ask the other person to better understand their perspective.
What am I willing to accept or compromise on?
If I don’t hear what I want, what actions will I take?
MAYBE.
If you’re not sure AND answer "No" to one or more of the following questions, it may not be the best time for conversation.
Can I listen … actively?
Am I prepared to take responsibility for my part in the conflict?
Do I trust this person and/or myself to resolve this issue?
NO.
If you are not, do not move forward. There is no need to over-explain why you’re not ready. No need to fabricate excuses. When you give excuses that you know aren’t true that is called being deceptive…which would make you a liar. I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate being lied to, right? #GoldenRule.
Try this instead.
"Hey Friend/Love, I appreciate your concern, but I’m not quite ready to talk about this right now. I’ll reach out when I’m ready to discuss it. Thanks for understanding!"
If you know, when you’ll be ready that’s even better. Try this.
"Hey Friend/Love, thank you for coming to me with this concern. I’ll be available to further discuss next Tuesday evening. Would you be open to talking then?"
Give yourself the necessary time to prepare, and then, follow through! Don’t be that person who avoids tough conversations. That approach lacks integrity, earning you little respect. You will definitely be viewed as a coward. Rise above that.
In this season, let’s practice having healthy dialogue. Before initiating or agreeing to a conversation, know where you stand - “yes, no, maybe.” The point of communication should be to bring resolution to a matter. If you value your relationship, this as an opportunity to enhance it. Positive communication builds trust and favor. So, be grateful, in fact be elated that someone is open to discussing matter. Handle your conversations responsibly. Be mature. Very mindful. Very adult-like. Thank me later. mwah
